I Loved You While You Were Leaving · Track 24
For when they controlled when to pull you close, when to create distance, and when to leave, until you finally stopped letting them set the terms.
Inside this song
Why did I feel like I never got a say in a relationship I was half of?
A relationship shouldn’t leave one person constantly reacting to decisions the other person is making alone. You deserved honesty and the chance to make informed choices about a relationship that affected you too. Reclaiming your agency can begin with recognizing that you’re allowed to have terms, boundaries, and choices of your own.
“You built the ending in your head while I was still trying to begin”
For when you realize they had already started making decisions about the ending while you were still being asked to believe everything was fine.
Read the full storyLyric sheet
Verse 1 I read the room before you spoke, Felt the cracks under my feet, but you said, "It's fine." I asked you straight, you wore that joke, Turned my questions into fights just to buy more time. Pre-Chorus Every time I reached for you, You were already halfway gone. You played it cool, I played the fool, But my gut was never wrong. Chorus It was all on your terms, When you'd love me, when you'd leave. You held the truth like a loaded gun, While I begged you just to breathe. You lit the match, then watched me burn, And kissed me after the goodbye. It was all on your terms,l Guess control was your alibi. Verse 2 You said respect was why you stayed cold,| But you still found my bed the night you cut the cord. Told me "It shouldn't be this hard," But you were the one locking every single door. Pre-Chorus
And I gave you every out, But you smiled and pulled me in. You built the ending in your head, While I was still trying to begin. Chorus It was all on your terms, When you'd love me, when you'd leave. You held the truth like a loaded gun, While I begged you just to breathe. You lit the match, then watched me burn, And kissed me after the goodbye. It was all on your terms, Guess control was your alibi. Bridge Now I know your silence was strategy, Every answer rehearsed in secrecy. I thought I was losing my mind, Turns out I was reading you right the whole time. Breakdown Chorus On your terms... when you'd come back, when you'd ghost, On your terms... like I was just a body you owned. Final Chorus It was all on your terms, But I'm done with playing small. You can keep your power games, I won't answer when you call. You lit the match, but here's the twist- I learned to dance inside the fire.
No more living on your terms, I'm taking back what you desired.
About the song
For when they controlled when to pull you close, when to create distance, and when to leave, until you finally stopped letting them set the terms.
The story behind
"Your Terms” is about realizing how little agency I felt like I had inside a relationship I was supposedly half of. For a long time, I thought the hardest part was the uncertainty. I kept trying to understand what had changed. I could feel distance before I could explain it. I noticed shifts in affection, communication, and energy, but when I asked directly, I didn't always feel like the answers matched what I was experiencing. So I kept questioning myself. Maybe I was overthinking. Maybe everything really was fine. Maybe I needed to stop reading into every little change. But eventually, I realized the deeper wound wasn't simply uncertainty. It was feeling like someone else always got to decide the terms. When we were close. When we needed space. When something was serious. When something was “just a joke.” When the relationship was worth holding onto. And eventually, when it was over.
That's why the line, “You built the ending in your head While I was still trying to begin.” became the heart of this song. There is something uniquely painful about realizing someone may have been privately processing an ending while you were still making decisions based on the belief that you were building something together. I would've rather known. Even if the truth hurt. Because honesty would have given me something uncertainty didn't: a choice. That's the part I understand differently now. When someone withholds where they truly stand, the other person can't make fully informed decisions about their own heart. I gave outs. I asked questions. I tried to create opportunities for honesty. And when I was reassured, I wanted to believe those reassurances.
That's why the chorus says: “It was all on your terms When you’d love me, when you’d leave.” It isn't saying I literally had no choices. I did. But emotionally, I had begun organizing so much of myself around his decisions that I stopped recognizing how little room I felt I had to make my own. The ending changes that. “No more living on your terms.” For me, that isn't about taking control away from someone else and keeping it for myself. It's about realizing healthy relationships aren't supposed to be controlled by either person. Both people get a voice. Both people get information. Both people get boundaries. Both people get to decide what they're willing to participate in. And if someone no longer wants the relationship, they're allowed to leave. But I deserve the truth early enough to decide what I want too. That's what I'm taking back in this song. Not him. Not the relationship. My agency. I spent too long waiting for someone else to decide whether I was staying or leaving. Now I know I get terms too.
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