Too Quiet

“Too Quiet” is about realizing that sometimes the love we consciously say we want can feel completely unfamiliar to the nervous system that actually has to receive it. I wrote this song after noticing something uncomfortable about myself. I could say I wanted someone gentle, consistent, emotionally available, and safe, but when that kind of person actually showed up, part of me didn't immediately relax. Sometimes I wanted to run. Meanwhile, the people who were inconsistent, teasing, emotionally unpredictable, or difficult to reach could create an intensity that felt strangely familiar.

The line, “I don't know how to love what's stable when chaos feels like home at the table,” became the heart of this song. Because familiar and healthy are not always the same thing. If your nervous system learned connection through unpredictability, the push and pull can create enormous emotional intensity. The relief when someone comes back feels powerful because of the anxiety that came before it. And eventually, that intensity can start looking like chemistry. Then healthy love arrives and there's no chase. No guessing. No enormous dopamine hit because someone finally texted after disappearing. They're just... there. And sometimes calm can initially feel like nothing when your body has been conditioned to recognize chaos as connection.

The line “I only know love when it bruises too” isn't saying I consciously wanted to be hurt. It's about recognizing how easily I could mistake teasing, emotional unpredictability, or even being treated poorly for chemistry because some version of that dynamic felt familiar to me. That's a painful realization, but it's also an empowering one. Because once I can recognize the pattern, I don't have to keep obeying it.

The bridge is where the hope lives: “Maybe someday I'll rewire my heart, learn love doesn't mean being torn apart.” Healing isn't forcing myself to feel attracted to someone simply because they're healthy. It's teaching my body that safety doesn't have to mean boredom. That consistency doesn't mean something is missing. That peace can eventually become familiar too. I don't want to spend my life choosing people who activate my wounds simply because activation feels like chemistry. I want to learn what love feels like when it doesn't hurt.