Conditioned to Stay · Track 30
For when you finally meet someone who gives you what you always wanted, and suddenly you’re the one wanting to run.
Inside this song
Why do I chase unavailable people, then pull away when someone healthy actually chooses me?
Wanting healthy love and feeling comfortable receiving it are not always the same thing. If distance has historically felt safer, genuine availability can bring up fears you never had to face with unavailable people. You can move slowly without automatically running.
“I keep choosing the avoidant, ’Cause their fear covers up mine”
For when you realize unavailable people felt safer because their distance kept you from having to face your own fear of closeness.
Read the full storyLyric sheet
VERSE 1: Every boy I ever wanted was the type who couldn’t stay. Half in, half out, unpredictable and somehow that felt safe. Their distance never bothered me, ’cause it matched my nervous system’s pace. I could love them from a distance without letting them see my face.
PRE-CHORUS: But then someone came along who did everything right and suddenly my heartbeat felt like it was trying to fight.
CHORUS: ’Cause perfect scares me, healthy freaks me out. Give me love that’s real and steady and I start shutting down. All the things I say I wanted feel too close when they arrive. And I run toward the ones who starve me ’cause there’s no pressure there to try. Yeah, perfect scares me but broken never made me mine. And I keep choosing the avoidant ’cause their fear covers up mine.
VERSE 2: I used to swear I wanted someone who was tender, strong, and kind but when he shows up with affection my whole body hits rewind. Suddenly I’m picking flaws apart, feeling trapped inside his eyes, getting ick over the small things just to justify the goodbye.
PRE-CHORUS: It’s not him I’m running from it’s the version of me who doesn’t know what to do when love stops feeling like a dream.
CHORUS: ’Cause perfect scares me, healthy freaks me out. Give me love that’s real and steady and I start shutting down. All the things I say I wanted feel too close when they arrive. And I run toward the ones who hurt me ’cause I’m safer on that side. Yeah, perfect scares me but broken never made me mine. And I keep choosing the avoidant ’cause their fear covers up mine.
BRIDGE: Do I stay with what’s familiar? Do I run from what I need? Do I sabotage the softness just to keep my heart relieved? I don’t want another almost, I don’t want another ghost. But my trauma tells me closeness is the thing that hurts the most.
CHORUS Perfect scares me, but I want it anyway. I want someone who can hold me and doesn’t leave when I need space. I want love that doesn’t trigger all the wounds I’ve left behind. I don’t want the ones who vanish just because it spares my mind. Yeah, perfect scares me but maybe this time I’ll try to stop choosing the avoidant just to hide that fear in mine.
OUTRO: Maybe love won’t feel like pressure once my body learns it’s safe. Maybe perfect doesn’t scare me maybe perfect’s where I stay.
About the song
For when you finally meet someone who gives you what you always wanted, and suddenly you’re the one wanting to run.
The story behind
“Perfect Scares Me” is about realizing that sometimes the hardest love to accept isn’t unhealthy love. It’s healthy love. For a long time, I thought I was always the person who wanted more closeness. I wanted someone emotionally available, kind, consistent, affectionate, and sure about me. I thought the problem was simply that I kept choosing people who couldn’t give me those things.
Then I started meeting people who actually could. And something strange happened. Instead of immediately feeling safe, part of me wanted to run. I’d suddenly notice tiny flaws. I’d convince myself something was missing. Affection could feel overwhelming. The consistency I had spent years wishing for could somehow make me feel trapped, while the emotionally unavailable people who kept me guessing created an intensity that felt strangely familiar. That forced me to recognize something uncomfortable: maybe I wasn’t only afraid of abandonment. Maybe I was afraid of intimacy too.
The line, “I keep choosing the avoidant, ’Cause their fear covers up mine.” became the heart of this song. With someone unavailable, I could chase love without ever having to fully receive it. Their distance kept me focused on whether they would let me in, which meant I never had to confront what might happen if somebody actually did. Healthy love asks something different of me. If someone stays, I have something real to lose. I have to let myself be known. I have to tolerate closeness without the familiar push and pull. I can’t hide my own fear behind someone else’s distance.
I started realizing that trauma can make chaos feel like chemistry and distance feel like comfort. Sometimes the nervous system recognizes what is familiar before it recognizes what is healthy. So when something steady finally arrives, unfamiliar safety can initially feel more threatening than familiar instability.
This song isn’t about forcing myself to love someone just because they’re healthy. Attraction and compatibility still matter. It’s about becoming curious when my instinct to run appears because someone is available, rather than because something is actually wrong. Healing isn’t only learning how to leave unhealthy relationships. Sometimes it’s learning how to receive a healthy one.
That’s why the ending is hopeful. I don’t have to become completely fearless before I experience safe love. Maybe I can notice the fear without automatically obeying it. Maybe my nervous system can learn something new. Maybe love doesn’t always have to feel like survival. And maybe one day, safety won’t feel scary. Maybe it’ll feel like home.
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